Hostage at the Table

This is weird book that I would never have picked up on my own. With the benefit of hindsight I can say that assessment is partially justified but I can also say that there's some merit to reading it, even if book is extremely annoying and obviously oversimplifying everything.

1. Are you being hostage at the table? Pass 
2. Mind’s Eye. Hard pass 
3. Bonding Cycle. It looks like this. We attach then we bond with the object of attachment, then we lose the bond so separation happens and then we need grief in order to attach again. So it's a cycle but there's a 1st attachment of sorts. Then jibber jabber. Then there’s s.t. called seven manifestations of broken bonding that kinda looks useful: Psychosomatic illness: basically our physical health and social bonding can be strongly related. Violence and aggression: so basically unattached people can end up being aggressive; similar situations can be rooted in incapability to process grief properly. Addiction: basically if you can healthily attach, drugs can provide emotional substitutes. Or maybe vice versa? Either way. Depression: so there’s this overstretch thesis, that failed/broken attachments are the underlying reason. Not clinicist. Burnout: inability to bond can lead to burnout. I think the author makes a jump here as this is not causation, probably more like a slight bump in correlation. Stress reaction: broken bonding can be rooted in one of: loss, conflict/toxic relationship, loss of purpose, loneliness. OK. Organisational conflict: basically the level of in-organisation bonding translates into in-organisational conflicts and friction. 
4. Strength of a Secure Base. Secure Base is important - yes (I agree). Sort of like self-identity with social relations inside. There is sort of worth reading section on types of bonding leaders can show. But what is more interesting is 4 people archetypes: Overcompliant person - proverbial yes-man; in order to handle them properly leader should ensure that honesty is not perceived as dangerous The complainer - proverbial nay-sayer; in order to handle them you need to steer away from negativity; dongh. In practical terms instead of presenting options for them to be negative about, force them to present options; also you can focus on worst case scenario - because then they can’t focus on negativity themselves; stuff like that. Arrogant types - you just need to know your facts so they can’t challenge you on these; you should avoid direct challenge instead befriend them. Indecisive person - they tend to procrastinate when overloaded and they don’t understand the impact their indecisiveness has; don’t overload them, encourage them and provide good feedback on activities to stimulate their activity. 
5. The Art od Conflict management. Nothing too fancy I’d say. Put issues in plain sight, try to look for a friend in people rather than enemy, some level of conflict is productive. 
6. Effective dialogue. Various points on dialogue. Worth noting: 4 blocks to dialogue: passivity (obv.), discounting (obv.), redefining (ok), over-detailing (yes). Then 6 secondary(!) blocks: being too rational, being too emotional, over-generalizing, abstraction (when the topic is abstracted to a point of being pointless), lack of directness, lack of honesty You might ban phrase “yes, but…” 4 sentence rule - converse by making max 4 sentences at time. Interesting won’t it make all conversations shallow? Principles of dialogue: Princ. Of quantity: leave room for others Princ. Of quality: make sure ot make point clear interesting etc Princ. Of value: make sure you progress the topic Princ. Of personal presence: try to be you and positive (I guess) Princ. Of brevity: be concise 
7. Power of negotation. This is common-sense chapter, nothing particularly note worthy 
8. Mastering our emotions. So dealing with emotions. The hints I like are patterns how to deal with emotions: provide a choice (instead of forcing into 1 thing, invite into making a choice within the paradigm we want person to be i.e. we need to redesign stuff so engage how to redesign and they will less likely question redesign), give perspective (so make a long view on a topic, for example), take time out (so lunch, beer etc) 
9. Living with a hostage-free mind. Kind of like outro, summary - nothing of note.